Trust is everywhere. Our relationship with friends, family and strangers is built upon trust, but should we really be trusting each other so easily?

The Nature Of Trust

We are social animals which means our success arises from our collaboration with each other. We learn new techniques and teach them with one another. We build relationships to protect our loved ones. We forgive each other so we can continue strong relationships and continue this cycle of honesty.

There are examples of trust everywhere:

• When driving we need to trust other drivers when we change lanes.
• When working in a team we need to trust our teammates to win.
• When commuting to work we need to trust the engineers to make sure the elevators and escalators are working.

The difficult part of trust is that we don’t know who is trustworthy. How do we know for sure that the other drivers won’t hit us, teammates won’t betray us or the engineers haven’t made mistakes on their machines? Is there a way we can determine truths from lies?

It Is Almost Impossible To Tell Truths From Lies

You believe someone not because you have no doubts about them. Belief is not the absence of doubt. You believe someone because you don’t have enough doubts about them. - Malcolm Gladwell

This quote is from the book Talking to Strangers and has enlightened me about our default to truth when interacting with one another. When we go to a grocery store, our default is to trust that the cashier will charge us the correct amount. People who do not default to truth are usually more stressed and anxious. Living in a world where we cannot trust each other would be very horrible.

When we do come across a situation where we need to assess if someone is trustworthy, we often use their appearances and actions as a guide. However, it has been shown that our clothing, culture, emotions and even facial expressions are bad indicators of whether we are lying or not. Even the lie detector, known as the polygraph, that can track our blood pressure, pulse and respiration are known to be unreliable and biased. We think we are good at reading others and making conclusions on their character when really, we are terrible at it. Even the most intelligent people who read others for a living like crime investigators or poker players have never been 100% accurate.

Evolution Of Trust

I highly recommend you check out this interactive website demonstrating trust in a unique way ncase.me/trust. I’ll go over the main themes below.

Prisoners Dilemma

Using game theory which is commonly used in economics to examine the model between two or more people in a situation containing a certain set of rules. A famous game known as the “Prisoners Dilemma” is used as the template for trust. These are the rules:

• The players can either choose to “cheat” or “cooperate”
• If they both cooperate they both get 2 coins
• If one cooperates and one cheats the cheater gets 3 coins and the cooperator loses 1 coin
• If they both cheat they both get 0 coins

The players find themselves in a situation where they have to either trust that the other person will cooperate with them or if the better choice is to cheat to get an advantage over them. So what were the discoveries made in this experiment?

Build a Reputation

Trust is an investment. The more time we invest with others and demonstrate our honesty, the more trust they will have for us. To build trust we need to follow the 3 “C”s.

• Commitment - We need to be reliable and dependable. Show that we care about the relationship we have built.
• Competency - We need to demonstrate that we are capable. As an example, we trust that a professional surgeon can perform surgery on us, but won’t trust our hairdressers to do the same.
• Consistency - We need to make sure we repeat our actions and make them clear. Some people can be less forgiving if we break their trust even once. Being consistent is also powerful in building our reputation.

Look For Possible Win-Wins

When one side benefits more than the other, that’s a win-lose situation. To the winner it might look like success for a while, but in the long run, it breeds resentment and distrust. -Stephen R. Covey

In game theory, the model where one advantage of one side is always lost by the other is called a zero-sum game. The Prisoners Dilemma is an example of a non-zero-sum game because both players have the option to cooperate and be better off. In nature, the remora is often seen cleaning sharks in the ocean. They have a mutualistic agreement, the remora gets food scraps from the shark while the shark gets protection against potential diseases when the remora cleans the shark. When dealing with situations, remember to look for potential win-wins.

Avoid Miscommunication

We are all better off when we default to truth and trust each other, but what happens when we make a mistake? Miscommunication leads us to the decision of whether to forgive or not. If we aren’t able to communicate our actions correctly, it leads to a widespread cycle of distrust.

• Make sure our actions and words are clear.
• Remember that forgiving when there is a bit of miscommunication is rewarding in the long run.

The Paradox Of Trust

Trust is a difficult topic, we need to trust each other but the more we do the more we fall into the trap of defaulting to truth. It is this default that allows others to deceive and manipulate us. In contrast, if we assume that others are lying to us it will increase our stress and anxiety. It would also cause society to collapse under our aggression and distrust of each other. So what are we supposed to do?

1. Realize we live in a modern, borderless world. We cannot avoid interacting with others, therefore we need to learn to live with one another.
2. Accept that we should default to truth. By doing so we can be aware of our actions and judgements of others to make more rational decisions.
3. Do not blame yourself or others for defaulting to truth. When we are lied to, we often blame the liar for their actions, but we can also put blame ourselves for not recognizing the lie. It is best to learn from these mistakes instead of pointing fingers at each other.
4. Realize that we are horrible at determining a person’s character. Never judge a book by a cover is a very cliché statement but is very true. We don’t know each other, we can’t read into each other’s minds clairvoyantly. This is why it’s so important to communicate our thoughts clearly with one another.
5. Understand that we decide how trust evolves. It is up to us to decide whether we need to be more trusting of others or not. Forgiveness is not easy and learning to be more trusting of others can be tough. However, the more trust we give others, the more trust we breed as well.

Resources

• The psychology of trust - Anne Böckler-Raettig
• Talking To Strangers
• Evolution Of Trust - Notes